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Unlike going to court or arbitration, family mediation recognises that you are the experts about your own family and leaves the decision-making to you. Unlike negotiating through your lawyers, family mediation allows you to speak directly to each other working with the mediator, so that you can both explain what you are feeling and what is most important to you. It also lets you focus on the things that really matter to you as a family and means you can deal with things that a court may not, e.g. pets, school trips, holidays etc.
It is important to choose someone you feel comfortable working with and who gives you confidence in the mediation process. It should be a mediator who has been professionally trained, who is properly supervised and who is a member of one of the Family Mediation Council member organisations. You might get a recommendation from someone who has been through separation or divorce already. If not, you can do a search for all FMA members here. The details found here will give you a link to their website where you would expect to find out more about that particular mediator/mediation practice; including how they work (e.g. in person or online), what their fees are/whether they offer legal aid and whether they can offer specialist services within mediation, e.g. direct consultation with children.
It is important to choose someone you feel comfortable working with and who gives you confidence in the mediation process. It should be a mediator who has been professionally trained, who is properly supervised and who is a member of one of the Family Mediation Council member organisations. You might get a recommendation from someone who has been through separation or divorce already. If not, you can do a search for all FMA members here. The details found here will give you a link to their website where you would expect to find out more about that particular mediator/mediation practice; including how they work (e.g. in person or online), what their fees are/whether they offer legal aid and whether they can offer specialist services within mediation, e.g. direct consultation with children.
Qualified family mediators have successfully completed a recognised training course to begin working as a mediator. Each year they must also complete a specified amount of training, satisfy a professional supervisor that they are working to the required standards, and work the required number of mediation hours.
All qualified family mediators belong to one of the five organisations that together make up the Family Mediation Council. The FMA is one of the Family Mediation Council organisations, and our members abide by the Family Mediation Council’s Code of Practice and are committed to very high standards.
All FMA members have been trained to mediate the full range of issues associated with divorce and separation, including children and financial matters. They are specifically trained to work with families in conflict and help them find a way forward.
Not all FMA members are FMCA – some are training and working towards accreditation. This impacts whether they are qualified to conduct MIAMs, so do check this with the mediator you choose.
Mediators understand that talking about what should happen after separation or divorce can be very stressful and upsetting. Family mediators are specially trained to look out for any domestic abuse issues that may affect your family, and also for other problems that might make negotiation between family members especially difficult. Family mediators will not allow you to mediate if they do not believe you will be safe in that process.
The mediator will talk to you about the format for future mediation sessions during your (solo) MIAM session. There are arrangements that can be put in place to help. “Shuttle mediation” can be used if there are any problems or contraindicators about being in the same space (physical or virtual). This means neither of you will see/hear each other and the mediator will speak separately with each of you at all times. Family mediators will do everything possible to keep all participants safe in the mediation process.
Mediators are impartial. The mediator does not take sides and is always there for both of you. Mediators don’t give advice, although they do give information about legal principles and explain some of the things you should be thinking about. The mediator doesn’t ever make any decisions for you; you work out between you what proposals you think you would like to take to lawyers so that you can get advice and help before deciding to turn your proposals into a legally binding agreement. Either of you can stop the mediation process at any time; mediation will only go ahead/continue if both of you want it to.
Nothing you do or say during mediation will create a legally binding agreement. At the end of the mediation process, your mediator will explain to you how you can turn your ideas into a legally binding agreement and/or a court order, which normally includes getting legal advice.
The information clients share with the mediator is kept confidential, with some very limited exceptions (similar to the exceptions that apply to lawyers and therapists and counsellors). Proposals put forward during mediation cannot be referred to in court proceedings. If you try to mediate but it doesn’t work, the court will never be told why the mediation wasn’t successful.
A standard document used by all qualified family mediators as required by Family Mediation Council. Mediation cannot go ahead unless an agreement to mediate has been signed.
A separate meeting between the mediator and a participant, away from the main mediation meeting.
Co-mediation involves clients meeting with two qualified mediators together in one room or ‘virtual’ room, and all talking through the issues and the possible solutions together. Co-mediation happens when the mediator thinks it will be most useful for that particular couple/family or sometimes to include both a man and a woman, and/or for them to be from different backgrounds (for example one from a legal background and one from a therapy/counselling background).
Governing body which regulates all family mediators, through one of 5 member organisations.
This code sets out what family mediation is all about, the principles on which the process is based and the standards which are expected of all Family Mediation Council mediators.
This can be a form of shuttle mediation which involves other people as well as the clients. This can include each person bringing his or her own lawyer and consulting with them about the options available as the mediation progresses. It could be someone with a financial background to give information and/or guidance on pensions, future financial needs, mortgages etc. Or it could be someone with a therapeutic background to give additional support.
Sessions involving others are more expensive (you are paying for additional services) and tend to take longer (half a day or even more).
If you have a low income and relatively low capital, you may be entitled to legal aid. A mediator who offers legal aid mediation will also do an assessment to work out if you are entitled to legal aid. If you are, the Legal Aid Agency will fund mediation costs – this covers your costs and some of your partner’s costs also, so it can be very beneficial if you are entitled to receive this.
Every family mediator should belong to one of the 5 member organisations which operate under the Family Mediation Council.
The 5 member organisations are The Family Mediators Association, National Family Mediation, Resolution, The Law Society and The College of Mediators.
Voluntary: Both of you have to want to mediate, and either of you can stop the mediation process at any time. More and more the courts expect families to attempt mediation before litigation begins, but mediation isn’t always suitable, and no-one can be required to mediate.
Impartiality: The mediator does not take sides, and is always there for both of you. Mediators don’t give advice, although they do give information about legal principles and guidance explaining what things you should be thinking about.
Confidential: The information clients share with the mediator is kept confidential, with some very limited exceptions (similar to the exceptions that apply to lawyers, therapists and counsellors). Proposals put forward during mediation cannot be referred to in court proceedings. If you try to mediate but it doesn’t work, the court will never be told why the mediation wasn’t successful.
Control: The mediator doesn’t make any decisions; you yourselves work out what proposals you both think you would like to take forward. Your proposals will only become legally binding if you ask lawyers to create a legally binding agreement.
A way of mediating that involves using two rooms (physical or online). The two adult clients each stay in their own separate room, and the mediator or mediators ‘shuttle’ between them. There is no face-to-face communication between the clients, so this kind of mediation doesn’t help to develop better communication in the way that other forms of mediation can, but it can be a good way to help clients negotiate safely. Shuttle mediation sessions usually take longer than other mediation sessions.
A Government and The Family Mediation Council initiative to help parents access family mediation. £500 per separating family (not means tested).
