A Mediation Information Assessment Meeting is a meeting with a specially qualified family mediator, who will explain to you the alternatives to the court process. Most divorcing and separating couples in England and Wales who want to use the court process to resolve any questions about children or money have to show that they have attended a MIAM before they can apply for a court order. The purpose of the meeting is to give you an opportunity to find out whether going to court would be the best way of resolving the issues surrounding your relationship or marriage breakdown (e.g. children, property and financial issues), and in particular whether mediation could be an effective alternative.

At a MIAM you will meet with a qualified family mediator, and discuss your personal situation on a confidential basis. Usually this is a one to one meeting, although sometimes you can attend part of the meeting with your former partner if you both want to do so. As things stand, only one of you is required to attend a MIAM to talk through the alternatives to court and decide whether another route could be appropriate for you, your family and your particular circumstances. However, the other person is expected to attend when invited to do so, and the court has the power to tell the person who has refused to attend a MIAM that they must do so.

The mediator will provide information about options available to you to resolve the issues around your separation, and will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each option. The mediator will also ask questions, and make an assessment to decide whether or not mediation is a suitable way forward for you in your own particular circumstances

Family mediation is a way of helping families to reach agreements about what should happen about separation or divorce. It is an increasingly popular alternative to asking the court to make decisions about family issues.

In family mediation, you usually negotiate face to face with your partner about arrangements that need to be made for the future, with the help of one or two neutral third parties – the mediator or mediators.

Unlike going to court or arbitration, family mediation recognises that you are the experts about your own family and leaves the decision-making to you.

Unlike negotiating through your lawyers, family mediation allows you to speak directly to each other, so that you can both explain what you are feeling and what is most important to you. It also lets you focus on the things that really matter to you as a family.

Family mediators have a great deal of experience of the issues surrounding separation and divorce and are able to give you general information about all the options available to your family. Family mediators will also be able to ask both of you important questions about the practical impact on your family of any option that especially interests you. Family mediators can talk to you about some of the legal implications of some ideas that you may be interested in. Family mediators are specially trained to focus on the needs of the children in the family, and will help you, as parents, to do that together.

During the mediation your mediator will give you information about how to deal with financial issues, how to deal with children issues, relevant legal principles, the court process, court orders, and how to contact other agencies and specialists who may be able to help. The mediator will ask you important questions about what ideas you have about the future, and about what is worrying you about the present. They may even talk a little about what has gone wrong in the past, although the problems of the past are not the main focus of mediation. The mediator will also set the rules he or she expects everyone to follow. These will include speaking and listening to each other with respect, and working with the mediator to make sure that conflict and any strong emotions that emerge during the mediation don’t overwhelm the process.

Most family mediators work in a relatively informal setting, and all qualified family mediators provide clients with a relaxed and secure environment. During the session, the mediator will record key pieces of information or ideas or particular options in a way that allows both of you to see what has been written and to comment on it. Usually the mediator will use a flip-chart to do this, but many also use more modern technology. You will be encouraged to ask questions and discuss what is being written down. If you don’t understand something that is being said by anyone in the room, or don’t understand something that has been written on the flip-chart by the mediator, say so. It is the mediator’s job to help. Your mediator will be keeping an eye on how you are feeling, but if you feel uncomfortable or worried about anything, it is very important to say so.

If the two of you are able to identify some proposals that you think might work, the mediator will record those proposals in a confidential way, for you to turn into a legally binding agreement after getting legal advice.

Many people find talking to their partner about what should happen after a separation or divorce very stressful and upsetting. Family mediation can give you a safe place to resolve your differences at your own pace. Family mediators are specially trained to look out for any domestic abuse issues that may affect your family, and also for other problems that might make negotiation between family members especially difficult. Family mediators will not allow you to mediate if they do not believe you will be safe.

Either of you can stop the mediation process at any time; mediation will only go ahead if both of you want it to. Mediators are impartial. The mediator does not take sides, and is always there for both of you. Mediators don’t give advice, although they do give information about legal principles and explain some of the things you should be thinking about. The mediator doesn’t ever make any decisions for you; you work out between you what proposals you think you would like to take to lawyers, so that you can get advice and help before deciding to turn your proposals into a legally binding agreement.

Nothing you do or say during a mediation will create a legally binding agreement. At the end of the mediation process your mediator will explain to you how to turn your ideas into a legally binding agreement and/or a court order, which normally includes getting legal advice.

The information clients share with the mediator is kept confidential, with some very limited exceptions (similar to the exceptions that apply to lawyers and therapists and counsellors). Proposals put forward during mediation cannot be referred to in court proceedings. If you try to mediate but it doesn’t work, the court will never be told why the mediation wasn’t successful.

It is very important to find a qualified mediator. Qualified mediators have successfully completed a recognised training course, and each year they must complete a certain amount of training, satisfy a professional supervisor to certain standards, and work the required number of mediation hours. Qualified mediators must also have appropriate professional insurance.

All qualified family mediators belong to one of the five organisations that together make up the Family Mediation Council. The FMA is one of the Family Mediation Council organisations, and our members are all qualified mediators. If you have any queries about a mediator’s qualifications, check with the mediator’s member organisation, which should be able to help.

Family mediators come from a wide range of backgrounds. Many are family lawyers, or have at some stage worked as family lawyers. Many come from a therapy or counselling background. Sometimes two mediators from different backgrounds work together, to combine their different specialist skills. All qualified family mediators are trained to work with families in conflict, and have considerable experience in helping families to work together to find practical solutions to their problems.

If you are paying privately you need to check the rates your local mediators charge for mediation session. Some charge an hourly rate, some charge on a sessional, or case basis. Most mediators also charge for the assessment meetings that take place before the mediation begins. The rates that family mediators charge are generally much lower than the rates that family lawyers charge, but it is always very important to be clear from the beginning how much you are going to be charged, and what services the mediator will be charging you for.

If you have a low income and relatively low capital, you may be entitled to legal aid. As you probably know legal aid is no longer available for most family matters that go to court, but it is still available for family mediation. If you think you may be eligible for legal aid, you should look for a mediator who is specially qualified to offer legal aid mediation. The mediator will help you to work out if you are entitled to legal aid, and if you are, your mediator will then ask the Legal Aid Agency to fund your mediation. If later on you want to turn your mediation proposals into an agreement, your family mediator can sometimes arrange for legal aid to pay for you to get some help from a solicitor as well. Not all FMA members are qualified to offer legal aid mediation. Our website shows who does legal aid work and who does not; if you think you may be entitled to legal aid, but aren’t sure, it is usually best to find a mediator who is qualified to offer legal aid. All FMA members will do their best to suggest a local mediator who can help you.

Family mediators are specially trained to focus on the needs of the children in the family, and will always work with you, as the parents, to do that together. Many FMA members are specially qualified to involve children directly in family mediations. There are many things to think about when deciding whether or not it is appropriate for an individual child to be involved directly, which will have to be talked through by both parents, and with the mediator, but involving children can be very useful if the right preparation is done. The government has said that it believes all children above the age of 10 should have an opportunity to see a mediator if their parents are using mediation to make decisions about child arrangements. If you are interested in involving a child in the mediation you can look for a mediator who is trained to work directly with children. However, the mediator who works with the parents doesn’t have to be the same mediator who meets with the child, so you could opt for a mediator who hasn’t qualified to see children directly, and ask your mediator to find you another mediator who is qualified to meet with the child. FMA mediators all understand how direct consultation with children works, even if they do not do this work themselves, and will be able to talk through the options with you.

After signing the agreement to mediate, both of you will work with the mediator to:

• Explain your family situation.
• Set the mediation agenda. The mediation sessions are tailored around what you want and need to discuss.
• Agree the issues that you need to discuss.
• Decide the priority of the issues. Some issues are more pressing than others and need to be resolved first, e.g., short-term financial support, holidays, contact.
• Set time scales to deal with certain matters e.g., for separation or divorce.
• Clarify the issues: sometimes it is not certain what matters are really in dispute and clarifying these avoids future misunderstanding.
• Consider whether any other specialists might be able to help you.
• Find the common ground.
• Provide/obtain information, e.g., complete a financial questionnaire or have a form explained to you. If you have financial issues to discuss, it is particularly important to make sure everyone has a very clear picture of the family’s financial situation. This involves each of you providing details about any property you own, and your income and expenditure, very much as you have to if you go to court.
• Look at the various options and reality test those options. When there are financial issues you will need to give consideration to what everyone in the family needs, especially the children.
•  Arrive at the option that best suits both of you and work out the details of your proposals.